Hi there,
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Melissa and I want to share with you the real reasons why I decided to pursue a career as a professional coach. I realized that if I am asking other women to be real and vulnerable, then I must be willing to do the same. So here goes:
From the time I learned to walk and talk, I have been a perfectionist and an overachiever. As a typical first born child, I have always been extremely hard on myself and nothing I did was ever good enough in my eyes. As the years went on, this self-criticism only grew and grew, until it started affecting every area of my life. When I was 11, my parents separated and ultimately ended up getting a divorce; although it was traumatic for me at the time, I had no idea of the true ramifications of this decision until I was in college and started having serious romantic relationships of my own. Saying I had trust issues is an understatement. I lived in constant fear and paranoia that someone was going to do to me what I saw happen in my parents' relationship. I didn't believe someone could truly love me unconditionally, and now I know it was because I had very little love and compassion for myself. Growing up in a conservative town where none of my friends had divorced parents, I felt damaged and constantly judged for things I had no control over. My teenage years were some of the most difficult because of this. So in an effort to combat these feelings of inferiority and embarrassment, I carefully constructed an image of who I thought I should be. It was my mission in life to not only appear perfect, but to be perfect.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Melissa and I want to share with you the real reasons why I decided to pursue a career as a professional coach. I realized that if I am asking other women to be real and vulnerable, then I must be willing to do the same. So here goes:
From the time I learned to walk and talk, I have been a perfectionist and an overachiever. As a typical first born child, I have always been extremely hard on myself and nothing I did was ever good enough in my eyes. As the years went on, this self-criticism only grew and grew, until it started affecting every area of my life. When I was 11, my parents separated and ultimately ended up getting a divorce; although it was traumatic for me at the time, I had no idea of the true ramifications of this decision until I was in college and started having serious romantic relationships of my own. Saying I had trust issues is an understatement. I lived in constant fear and paranoia that someone was going to do to me what I saw happen in my parents' relationship. I didn't believe someone could truly love me unconditionally, and now I know it was because I had very little love and compassion for myself. Growing up in a conservative town where none of my friends had divorced parents, I felt damaged and constantly judged for things I had no control over. My teenage years were some of the most difficult because of this. So in an effort to combat these feelings of inferiority and embarrassment, I carefully constructed an image of who I thought I should be. It was my mission in life to not only appear perfect, but to be perfect.
I did a pretty good job of maintaining this façade throughout college and well into my twenties: I graduated with honors, had an array of amazing friends, and landed a well-paying government job where I could easily support myself and my active social life. I married my best friend, bought a gorgeous house that we turned into a home, and got my first dog all before the age of 26. I was doing everything right, everything that I thought I should be doing, so there was no way anyone could question me. On paper I truly was perfect.
I started cracking under this self-induced pressure when I was about 28. I had gradually turned into a version of myself that I no longer recognized. The fun-loving, jovial, motivated woman I had been for so long was now angry, resentful, jealous, anxious, and unhappy. I suffered from extreme body dysmorphia and self hatred. But how could this be? I was diligently following life's so-called checklist, so what was the problem? I assumed, naturally, that the issue was with me, so I started trying to control my surroundings even more so than before. This stress took its toll on me harder than ever. I obsessed about people following me and trying to kill me, and I would check the locks on the doors 15 times before going to bed. I woke up in a panic almost every single night and was living in constant fear, and I had no idea why. I was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed medication to try to lessen my chronic worrying. Although it numbed my emotions and my pain temporarily, it didn't address the underlying causes of my condition.
I had been in and out of therapy for most of my life, but it was time to get serious about it. I found an amazing counselor and was finally able to reconcile with my past and how it contributed to the person I had become. I discovered how hiding behind the veil of perfectionism was actually doing much more damage to my pysche than I ever realized. Slowly but surely over the course of about three years, I was able to peel back the superficial layers of myself so I could come to know my authentic self. I eventually hired a life coach who was able to take me to the next level of growth and who was able to assist me in creating a life that was in alignment with my True Self. My husband and I separated and sold our home, and I went back to school, moved into an apartment by the lake, traveled to India on my own, and rediscovered my passion for yoga. I was done with living my life the way society told me to live and I was finally listening to my intuition. I was happy.
It is my goal to help women just like you take an honest look at their lives and determine what is and is not working. How are you sacrificing your happiness or your self-worth? Are you allowing society or other people dictate what is best for you? It's time for you to take control of your destiny, and it's time for you to create a new story.
It's time to love yourself.
Love and light,
Melissa
I started cracking under this self-induced pressure when I was about 28. I had gradually turned into a version of myself that I no longer recognized. The fun-loving, jovial, motivated woman I had been for so long was now angry, resentful, jealous, anxious, and unhappy. I suffered from extreme body dysmorphia and self hatred. But how could this be? I was diligently following life's so-called checklist, so what was the problem? I assumed, naturally, that the issue was with me, so I started trying to control my surroundings even more so than before. This stress took its toll on me harder than ever. I obsessed about people following me and trying to kill me, and I would check the locks on the doors 15 times before going to bed. I woke up in a panic almost every single night and was living in constant fear, and I had no idea why. I was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed medication to try to lessen my chronic worrying. Although it numbed my emotions and my pain temporarily, it didn't address the underlying causes of my condition.
I had been in and out of therapy for most of my life, but it was time to get serious about it. I found an amazing counselor and was finally able to reconcile with my past and how it contributed to the person I had become. I discovered how hiding behind the veil of perfectionism was actually doing much more damage to my pysche than I ever realized. Slowly but surely over the course of about three years, I was able to peel back the superficial layers of myself so I could come to know my authentic self. I eventually hired a life coach who was able to take me to the next level of growth and who was able to assist me in creating a life that was in alignment with my True Self. My husband and I separated and sold our home, and I went back to school, moved into an apartment by the lake, traveled to India on my own, and rediscovered my passion for yoga. I was done with living my life the way society told me to live and I was finally listening to my intuition. I was happy.
It is my goal to help women just like you take an honest look at their lives and determine what is and is not working. How are you sacrificing your happiness or your self-worth? Are you allowing society or other people dictate what is best for you? It's time for you to take control of your destiny, and it's time for you to create a new story.
It's time to love yourself.
Love and light,
Melissa
Melissa graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology in 2007. She is a Certified Professional Coach and Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, as designated by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). She is a member of the Institute of Coaching Professional Association and Psi Chi, the International Honor Society in Psychology. Melissa has been trained in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and recently traveled to Rishikesh, India to study yoga and meditation. She has worked in public service for 17 years and has also been a mentor for troubled adolescents.
"My passion is helping others find their passion: to help people feel good and do great things, to increase the positive vibration of this planet, and to consistently spread love and light wherever I go."
~ Melissa
